Boil Before Drinking » drunk

Canadian Arrested for Drunk Snow Blowing

Ninja Man: with Ninja Powers! — Fri, 08 Jan 2010 13:26:28 +0000

From Metro.co.uk:

“A civic-spirited but ill-advised attempt to remove snow from a Canadian road caused traffic chaos, and ended up with a man being arrested for operating a snow blower while drunk.

The 41-year-old man sparked mayhem in rush-hour traffic after pushing the snow blower into a major intersection on roads in Barrie, 50 miles north of Toronto, police said.

Authorities say the man was almost hit by cars twice as traffic struggled to get through the large clouds of snow he was blowing up, before police eventually managed to reach him and put a halt to his snow-blowing efforts.

The man was arrested, held until he had sobered up, and charged with public intoxication. He didn’t offer an explanation to officers of why he was so keen to blow snow off the intersection.

‘His capacity to make sound decisions was obviously affected,’ police Sergeant Robert Allan told the Toronto Star.”

Original Article here >>.

Drunk Man Assaults Jedi

The Runs — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 12:12:59 +0000

Its good to see that someone is willing to put those uppity Jedi churchgoers in their place. Even if their Darth Vader costume consists of a black garbage bag. This article is pretty funny.

Drunk Darth Vader’s Jedi assault

Arwel Wynne Hughes, 27, from Holyhead, Anglesey, admitted assaulting Barney Jones and cousin Michael with a metal crutch. They suffered minor injuries.

Hughes, who was drunk and dressed in a black bin bag, shouted “Darth Vader!”

I’m not sure how wearing a trash bag qualifies as ‘impersonating’ Darth Vader. I honestly could quote the entire article. Its all good.

Sonic Weapon to Subdue Unruly Teenagers?

Ninja Man: with Ninja Powers! — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 21:03:00 +0000

Straight from the “holy crap does the man ever over-react these days file” comes this little story from the U.K. where they’ve been employing high frequency devices to drive off loitering and drunken teens in certain areas. Apparently, the pitch of the frequency is something that is only audible (and thus highly annoying, uncomfortable, and even at times painful) to the ears of our younger generations. Story here.

Thankfully, there’ s movement afoot to prevent this kind of targeted attack against the public. “Oh sure” I can hear you say, “it’s just some stupid kids who probably deserve to have their tiny brains rattled by sound-waves”, as our fearless “civil defense” forces continue to roll vastly more powerful sonic and microwave weapons off the line , in the anticipation of having to use them against ever greater numbers of their own citizens.

And another point, if the idea of using sound to drive troubled teens off your premises appeals to you, why not just play some Barry Manilow?

Booze Kicks Teetotaling’s Ass

The Runs — Wed, 09 Jan 2008 22:23:00 +0000

Its not really news anymore, but here’s a friendly reminder that drinking saves lives.

Guardian Unlimited: Help your heart with exercise – and booze

“Moderate drinkers are at 30% lower risk of heart disease than teetotallers, according to a study of nearly 12,000 people. And those who combine a mild tipple with regular exercise are even less likely to die of the disease. Their risk is between 44% and 50% lower than couch potatoes who abstain from alcohol.”

So all those guys getting looped up and running around on COPS have the potential to outlive non-drinkers. Provided they don’t get shot, beaten, or run over in traffic. Or lick a toad. That usually gets them pretty good. Ok, I guess those particular induldgers aren’t likely to outlive anyone.

That said, the moral of the story is:

If you’re going to sit around all day, you may as well get loaded. Also, sitting around all day at your desk job can be much healthier if enhanced with a martini, glass of wine, or a cold beer.