In the last part of our new series, we examined the woeful neglect of the Bermuda Triangle phenomenon recently. In this chapter we ask the question: What the hell ever happened to the Loch Ness Monster?

First reported in 1933, there was right up into the 70s a lot of fairly serious scientific research and debate regarding the subject matter and results have been said to be “inconclusive” in spite of some scientific, as well as much more anedoctal support.

Seems to me we’ve made some pretty big advances in sonar imaging technology since 1971, and now would be a great time to mount another serious scientific endavour. Might we not be able to test the water for evidence of “Nessie poo”? I mean, something that big is gonna make one huge pile of shit over a million years or so. Perhaps we could pull a Mr. Burns and simply drain the lake (we can put the water back can’t we?)

Nope, the problem with Nessie isn’t that she’s been proven a hoax, but that we’ve just gotten too damned lazy and unimaginative. We need to stop wasting research dollars on cures no one wants to find anyway and start putting money in places where we can make real progress. And it could be profitable too, I mean, imagine the fortune to the biotech firm that patents her DNA, every kid in America could own their own minature ‘water horse’.

fuck, and when we find Nessie, its not even like she’s the only monster of the deep to go catch. Look at this list of water monsters. Catch ‘em all and send ‘em to Seaworld I say and give the killer whales a break. Feeding time would be way more entertaining I garuantee you.

By the way, how is it we can’t agree on whether or not Nessie even exists, but we all agree that the gender we should assign to  a giant mythological sea-cow should rightly be female?

What the hell ever happened to Nessie?  (The Loch Ness Monster)?

As I kid I was fascinated by the idea that some giant prehistoric beast was able chill in wee lake in Scotland

Artist

A Chinese man who was attacked by a giant Panda after breaking into the animal’s cage in order to cuddle wit it did not apparently consider that the unasked for affection would likely provoke the beast. Whoops

Link to full story here.

This isn’t anything new, but we all should stop every once in a while and think about all those monkeys that dress up in rodeo gear and ride dogs.

Forget about hot pepper or boring ass Raspberry Vodka!  Here is a tutorial on how to make SKITTLES Vodka.  If anyone has some time, I would love to see something done with Starbursts.

Skittles Vodka Tutorial | Mix That Drink

Check out this great new way to get free Whoppers (the best of the mega chain burgers, Fast Eddies “Bacon Double Cheese Slider” is the best burger available). It’s called “Whopper Sacrifice“, you get rid of 10 friends on Facebook and get a free Whopper!!!

Who needs friends when you can have a yummy burger and a slightly bigger ass?

I just got back from vacation where I was thinking about all the cool jobs I’ve never really seen “help wanted” adds for, like resort architect or dolphin trainer (that one might suck after a while). Then BAMM today the Daily Mail comes out with an article on a guy who tests water parks for a living. How great is that?

What’s your dream job? Medical Marijuana store employee, the person who feeds the fish at the zoo, secret shopper, beer tester?

Beaver lovin'

Looks like the current economic crisis is having a strong effect on the fur industry. Sales are expected to drop off by half this year, suppressing prices for raw materiels (aka dead critters).  Aparently Mother Russia is still the #1 location to be seen in fur, but demand there is expected to drop from $5 billion to a paltry $2.5b.